Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

When Abraham Dumped His Wife Twice

There used to be a shampoo (clairol?) commercial in the 60s that had beautiful models trying to get women to covet their hair by flipping it seductively stating "don't hate me because I am beautiful."
That must have been what Sarah (Sarai) thought when Abraham, her husband denied her twice and pimped her out to anyone who threatened him. Back in the day, if someone (a King) more powerful wanted to take your wife and they thought the husband was in the way, if they were dishonorable they would just kill off the husband and take the wife. (remember that David did it even to take Bathsheeba)- This is what Abraham feared.
In Genesis it is reported that when Abraham and Sarah (Abram and Sarai) were on travels, and venturing in Egypt, he became afraid that the Pharoah would kill him to take his wife- she was apparently stunningly hot.
When they got to Egypt, the Pharoahs princes (sons) reported back to their Dad how incredibly beautiful Sarah was, and Abram told her- I am going to say you are my sister so pretend you are my sister, pass yourself off as my sister if anyone asks and that way my life will be preserved. In fact the Pharoah took Sarah into his house, had relations with her and because he thought Abram was his brother, the Pharoah blessed Abram with all kinds of goodies- he got sheep, oxen, he-asses, she-asses, menservants, maidservants and camels. SCORE! What a pimp's bounty! This is how Abraham survived the famine that was in Egypt- pimped his wife to the Pharoah.
Note that Abram probably didn't care a whit for the feelings of his devoted wife who was willing to go along with this for the sake of making her husband happy. There is no report in Genesis how his wife felt about being passed off by her husband to the royal court where she had to have relations with the pagan Pharoah instead of her husband. This was the bargain of their marriage apparently as he calculated this for their joint survival. The Pharoah finds out who she is, and more importantly WHOSE she is, and throws her out- and reads Abram the riot act for his deception after God hits his household with all kinds of plagues because of this adulterous affront against God himself. Pharoah addresses Abraham directly- -dude, what were you thinking? Why did you tell me that Sarah was your sister? you can hear the undercurrent- "idiot" "what the H. were you thinking!"

Abraham didn't do this just once- he did it at least twice. He could have done it more, we just read about two times in Genesis. When they got to the territory over to Gerar and they meet up with the King Abimelech- He does it again- he tells King Abimelech that Sarai is his sister.
This time, God doesn't let Abraham's charade damage Sarah any further. He sends a dream to Abimelech and says essentially to him - You are a Dead Man if you touch that woman- she is a prophet's husband.
Give her back. If you touch her you are a dead man.
Abimalech confronts Abraham and says- Dude- what were you thinkin! Take Your Wife Home You Moron!

God had a plan for Abraham and Sarah. Abraham didn't even get fully what it was. He was doing a thousand things to screw it up from his despair and unbelief. He pimps Sarah off at least twice, he sleeps with the maid "Hag"-ar (the Hag), he gets the maid pregnant-and then hates her.

Abraham does something even more stunning when Abimalech confronts him- Abimalech is saying- What the H! Why did you tell me she was your sister?? I almost committed adultery with her to my destruction! He tries to play the "definition of is" game with him in more deception- he says, well, technically speaking, she is the daughter of my father but we have a different mother so actually she is my sister. OK- dude, in a sense she is a sort of half-sister, but Dude, you have a covenantal consummated husband-wife relationship with her- that you hid and denied. She is also your wife Dude, not just your sister! Abraham was being a sneaky bastard. And his poor wife was just the played pawn who had to go along with whatever he thought he needed to do to save his own skin- and she did because her love was so overwhelming it is the greatest understated love story never told. Any lesser woman would have left him or killed him off herself.
She had every right to leave his pimping sorry self.

Abraham had to be beaten over the head with what God was going to do. He had to have God's Angel appear directly to him to tell him - look, this time next year Sarah is going to be pregnant with your real heir. So stop pimping her out. Stop sleeping around with the maids. I told you that your descendants would be as numerous as the stars in the sky and I meant it.

God wants to be believed. He will even get in your face with Angels to set you straight.

It is little surprise that Sarah laughed at the Angel when the Angel said that she would conceive at her post-menapausal advanced age. It is also little surprise that Sarah was so old and had not ever had children with Abraham. She might have been a little frigid after all this. It is easy to surmise that Sarah wasn't too keen about sleeping with her husband after being pimped out village after village to anyone more powerful who looked like they were going to threaten the safety of Abraham. She probably had one of those classic love-hate relationships with him. She probably thought him both clever and cowardly, both protective and ready to sell her virtue to the highest bidder if he thought it would gain him something.

Here's your clean wash- don't you touch me!!! Here's your dinner-go sleep in the other tent!

It is easy to see that Abraham and Sarah were of such advanced age before God manifested the promise, because of Abraham's earlier unbelief or non-recognition of God's plans and purposes. He didn't understand earlier how central, how important the relationship that he had with Sarah was. He probably didn't calculate that all this pimping her out and sleeping with the maid would have turned her cold toward him.
She laughs at the Angel- it's one of those "yeah, right, sure" kind of laughs. They probably had not slept together in decades. Right- we are going to have a kid. Ha Ha Ha . LOL. Laugh Out Loud.
The Angel then confronts her. Why are you laughing? You don't believe God?
Sarah then does something surprising. She denies that she laughed. She has enough Faith in God to believe that God's Angel is telling the truth in spite of the circumstances, so she says- I wasn't laughing- she denied mocking the thought. Something in her said, OK, if this is God's word, I can't mock the thought- even though we haven't slept together in decades and I stopped having a period about forty years ago. I cannot mock God's plan.
So the Angel says- yes, you did, you laughed. You mocked God- so stop. Don't mock God anymore- next year you are going to be pregnant. Shut up and just trust God.
This is really an amazing story. It is amazing because it shows that whatever is meant to be in God's plan will be fulfilled regardless of whether people are a little thick in understanding what it actually is. It comes even through deception, coldness, refutation, running from the plan, subverting the plan, fearing for one's skin that undermines the plan, cheating, taking short cuts, lying and denying the truth of relationships and what they actually mean and are.
God is not mocked. God cannot be mocked. The creator of the Universe will have his plan done if people cooperate. He even works with people like Abraham- to make them the greatest father of all nations. Even people like Abraham- a guy who pimped his wife off to at least two powerful Kings, and slept with the maid and got her pregnant.
God will not be mocked. Because he rules over heaven and earth.
God created them --male and female. God puts man and woman together so that no man may tear them apart or assunder. God does this.
God is not mocked.

Is there someone you keep calling your 'sister in Christ' when you know better? So what were you thinkin!