Rovian Manifesto

Hold On To Your Lip Gloss And Get Ready for 2008

We already know what the first few chapters in the Rove play-book look like; If you don’t get a hold of every Conyers Report ever written. They include detailed summaries of things like calculated ethnic disenfranchisement, purging voter rolls, games with provisional ballots, opti-scanner curiosities, black boxed voting, disinformation campaigns, diebold deviousness, back-door remote wireless hacking, swift-boaties, diverting votes in jumping, hopping, hoola hooping computer screens, etc. Your basic E-Coup.
Lets get ready for some real rough and tumble.
Lets see what the next chapters look like. This is satirical fiction folks- so no one report this to the law and authority people for threatening anything improper (that’s Chapter 20 supra.)

Chapter 10:
Fabricating foiled plots. Whip up Mass hysteria by making ladies throw out their lip gloss causing huge scenes at every major airport during the busiest summer month of vacation season. Get people really ticked off because they can’t get their usual duty free Scotch and have to dump hundreds of dollars of Lancoln over to the TSA staff (who couldn’t afford to buy it). Make sure it has people waiting for hours thinking about how lucky that they are we saved them from a major airline crash.
Make it look like they arrested the culprits somewhere other than the US first lest they accuse us of fabricating the foiled plot. They will all say that Republicans saved the country from terror again and the Democrats are in denial that everyone hates us (forget why everyone hates us and don’t let any press entertain that question.)

Chapter 11:
How do we get rid of that moral authority albatross who won’t get out of our faces-Cindy Sheehan. Start a rumor she had sex with a blogger! Brilliant! That way we besmirch bloggers and Sheehan with one fell rumor. Make her have sex with multiple bloggers! Yeah, That’s the ticket. Then make her have sex with John Kerry! Yeah, they were both in Europe at the same time!

Chapter 12:
Jam the credit reports and steal the identities of anyone likely to oppose us so they are so distracted trying to sort out their personal financial life they don’t have energy or resources and can’t get credit to finance anything serious to take us on, like a campaign, a PAC or a speaking tour. Steal information from every major data base in the country and don’t let Gonzales prosecute anyone or even look.

Chapter 13:
Demonize the dirtbag truth tellers. Start with Wayne Madsen. Make it look like he’s a madman. Have O’Reilly keep calling him Wayne MadMan until it sticks and Ann Coulter starts snortling how she won’t take Wayne Madman’s booty calls. Oh-forget about it-just put a hit out on him, and that Truth-out guy, and don’t forget those lawyers who think it’s actually practicing law commissioning vote counting.

Chapter 14:
Dig up any kind of dirt you can on Dodd and Feingold. Didn’t they have an El Salvadoran housekeeper they didn’t pay social security on or something? Anything? Didn’t they skip out on a restaurant tab when they were 22 or something? Anything? They roomed together on the Hill once, right- in an efficiency. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
No-I remember now, it was that ménage a trios with Michael Moore.

Chapter 15.
Keep calling everyone who protests war “baby killers” because they affirm that the government shouldn’t be in the business of regulating wombs. Click your heels three times and keep telling yourself that the baby-killers are not the ones with the rockets, guns and bombs who decimate children to dust but the ones with the lipgloss the TSA just stole-er, I mean confiscated.

Chapter 16:
Call Lieberman. Who else should we buy off? What if we gave Hillary a Revlon contract-would she leave us alone? How about a Revlon contract and a palace in Bahrain next to Michael. How about a Revlon contract, a palace in Bahrain next to Michael with that reality TV lesbo blonde personal trainer chick living in the basement.

Chapter 17:
Make more flick flocks with “flip flop” written on them and make FEMA deliver them to Louisiana. These must be worn as a precondition to getting extended rent paid for all Katrina evacuees.

Chapter 18:
Have the IRS audit, criminally prosecute and lock up Michael Moore, Cindy Sheehan, Teresa Heinz, and that chick who played a woman on that TV show Commander in Chief Gina Davis. Who ever heard of such an absurd idea of a woman Commander in Chief. What will they think of next- women Judges, or women soccer players or women pilots? Who will raise the children for God’s sake!

Chapter 19:
Every time the word UN is mentioned on the news have a talking head say “Chirac-attack!” as in “I think I am going to have another Chirac attack!” Keep trashing everything French. Forget that prior to 1803 when Napoleon sold Jefferson the Louisiana Purchase roughly a third of the discovered North Americas continent was French and thus about a quarter of the entire American population from the heartland bible belt can trace some roots to pre-colonial French ancestry (hence cities like DeMoines, Saint Louis, DeBuque, Duquesne, Detroit, and a thousand more) –forget that the great American ham sandwich is a French Croque Monsier, and that quiche, coque au vin, crème brule, cordon bleu, pate, salade Nicoise, Evian water, Dannon yogurt, Camembert, Roquefort, Champaign, Chateau Briand, Gaultier, Yves Saint Laurent, Audobon the naturalist birdman, and the best wines in the world all came from France.
Just trash the entire country as cheese-eating drunken cowardly anti-semites. All the morons from Saint Louis, DeBuque and DeMoines will eat it up. Make French the first name of "whore" as in "Hillary dresses like a French Whore" or "Sheehan runs her mouth like a French whore."


Yeah, that’s how we should run a country. What you say? What about innovation, progress, education, global warming, port security, universal health care, biofuels,
Environmental protection, and non proliferation? What does that have to do with winning elections and keeping us flush and greased in the federal fisc? What are you as crazy as Wayne Madman? Why should we run a country when we can run it into the toxic groundwater?