Wait

For the Lord
And For Your Husband

I recall a lovely luncheon I once had with a friend at the Inn in Little Washington (Virginia) one of the only five star restaurants of the day in or around DC. After the meal we needed to walk it off a bit so strolled down this southern street and happened upon a bucolic quaint B&B. We went inside, grabbed some brochures and sat on the front porch swing kicking out our legs with the wild abandon of a toddler on a swingset. The old lady of the house walked outside and said "are you ladies waiting for your husbands?" YES! we both replied cracking ourselves up at the double entendre (even though neither of us were close to being engaged to anyone at the time.) That's because we knew we were "waiting" for our husbands- in other words we weren't giving it up [again] until we were married. Call us 'born again virgins' if you like, we had our share of heart-ache and wanted to do it the way our mothers' taught us this time. This was way before it was cool or popular to declare oneself 'chaste'-like its anyone's business.

Why bother writing this now? Because the debate rages- should there be abstinence only educational funding or something more comprehensive that includes things like teaching people various ways to get off without getting pregnant? Talk shows are all over it again. I saw a show where an African American young woman, married, was defending the fact that she didn't 'give it up' until married and said it was easy. It's doable. She announced to everyone she dated that if they weren't with the program they "need not apply."

There exist healthy wonderful marriages where this rule was not followed. And there exist divorces where they were- Joy Behar for one announced she was a Virgin when married and is divorced. So it's no cure all and bright line rules always have exceptions. There is something deeper.

What should it matter from a public policy perspective? What should kids actually be taught? Something that shocked even me was the woman who insisted that girls be taught how to manage "desire" by "pleasuring themselves." Hide your eyes, put your kids to bed now- this woman is going to describe on national TV that girls should learn something guys have been told make them go blind apparently. Wrong. Sorry. Wrong.

A fruit of the Spirit is self-control. Whether condoms are appropriate to curb disease is another matter. Bedtime prayers out loud help also. We used to rotate when I was little saying
prayers by the bedside of each kid in the house with the whole family. It was something that stayed with me, and probably did a good deal of protecting me. "Desire" should be directed toward the right things- and can be.

This is where it can become obvious that a religious education makes a huge difference in future lifestyle. A good solid elementary education from a religious school, like a Catholic school, can really make a difference to an entire life, not just where one goes to college.

For that reason I am with Harold Ford, who favors things like Vouchers, and scholarship programs for inner-city kids to go to Catholic schools. DC should bring it back- they are only hurting the kids by depriving them of the option. As for abstinence only education- at least there should be acknowledgment that this is the "best practices" fool safe way to preserve yourself from an unwanted premature pregnancy before you can handle one. It is also the best fool safe way to preserve you from a life of child support payments you cannot afford to give you a better future and a hope. Abstinence funding should be increased. Whether or not "alone" with other explanations.