The Letter

Every Lawyer Wishes They Could Write Once in Their Life Dear Client------------ While Your matter is intriguing and you certainly have a profound sense of the injustice done to you after thorough and thoughtful investigation we conclude that you are Crazy. While we would love to take your money and delude you otherwise until a Court confirms our suspicion that your next residence should be the Altzheimers Unit of Saint Es, that feels like stealing candy from a baby. Your file will be available for pick up at the front desk as soon as we have copied everything we need to in the event you decide to do something ridiculous like walk it next door for another opinion and that guy asks for the money back for all the time it took to conclude that you are indeed Crazy to pay him-because naturally you are broke. That is why you came to us thinking lawyers are ATM machines activated by insane griping. Plumb Bonkers. Bat out of Hades zooier than an arse -scratching ape-Crazy. If any of these terms confuses you feel free to call for clarification at the usual hourly rate. If you start obsessively emailing us demanding to know why we are dropping you on your head please be advised there is such a thing as cyber-stalking. p.s. this is a privileged and confidential attorney client communication so we only forwarded it to our spouses to get a chuckle. Happy Blessed Prosperous New Year. juuuust kiiiiiidding!