And Simultaneously Grow the F Up Before It's Too Late To Save You.
If you are over 60 and you begin every email or phrase with "mummy and I think.." or "mother and I ..." you are not an idiot savant, you are just an idiot who never self-actualized away from your parents and probably don't support yourself on anything but an early inheritance.
If the old dame carrying your toys is old enough to be your great aunt but whimpers longingly when you go out with someone else, and sabotages all your closer female relationships she is a vicious evil- eyed wannabe Maude cougar and you are an idiot to let her sabotage all your closer female relationships. You will never be a fully actualized person or have true joy until you give her the swift boot and figure out how to make a living without her. No self respecting female would have anything to do with you while you are hanging on to her apron strings as she moon-eyes you from her cataracts. She is a crutch to hide behind like a little boy behind a curtain. Man Up already.
(I don't care if she takes your temperature, tucks you in at night, insists you replenish your fluids or organizes fundraisers and exotic trips to the country- she's a vile mess and a cancerous tumor on your hip that is crippling your growth as a man.)
Thanks for letting me vent. Any other 'ask heloise' questions may be emailed.
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