The White House, ripping up the oriental rugs and laying fuzzy pink shag in the Oval Office said "we needed to upgrade our decor to reflect the 'evolving' tastes of our base." Tearing down the crystal Louis XIV Chandelier given by the Marquis de Lafayette replacing it with a large disco reflecting mirror ball, the President noted "the tribute to Studio 54 reflects our free American spirit." Yesterday, the President served the Foreign Minister of Greece a large dildo shaped cake to celebrate lesbianism noting "the great American tradition of women eating themselves is named after the Greek island Lesvos which is pronounced Lesbos" and noted that the butt plug mini cheesecakes are also available on the desert tray. In honor of transgender people the President presented the Queen of England with a Tiffany crafted butter caddy in the shape of a plate on the bottom in penis form covered with a large boob. He announced to the Queen "In America everyone is now equal and 'Whole' because everyone now can eat sperm" noting its protein value while handing to her a Smoothie he said he created to toast her. Americans everywhere are raising blenders in toasting the President's sperm. Only a few disgrunted navy suit wearing meanies found in evangelical corridors are said to damper down the fun in noting "we think sperm should best be left to the bodies of married women" and asked to comment on the President's smoothie said "we think it rather tasteless". (sarcasm, if you didn't get it)

Tomorrow the President will unveil the lifesize velvet portrait of Liberace for the  White House dining room painted by numbers by Elton John.