We hold these truths to be self evident: All men may now eat semen.

In light of the Presidents bizarre statements about people being "whole" because they can insert penis in anus, Harvard is widely rumored to be convening a Board of Governors meeting to address the crisis regarding whether it should revoke law degrees for people who managed to graduate who do not understand the Constitution. "It has been rumored that we have graduated people who think semen is a breakfast smoothie and its a penumbral constitutional right to drink it." The President of Harvard said "we are examining whether we made a mistake in issuing certain diplomas and what we can do to rectum, I mean rectify that." The Board noted that it's believed that Thomas Jefferson might have footnoted the right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" with "including the right to jam your junk up Washington's Ass" but it was rejected by Carroll, the Congressional Congress' delegate from Maryland.