Today the Supreme Court
issued two historic hallmark opinions declaring there are now two constitutionally protected classes of people: those who drink to absurd excess and those who masterbate in cars. The Supreme Court deciding that none of those qualities is at all a character defect, they must be constitutionally protected and defended as the rights of these protected classes of people now are constitutional. America has had a long history of persecution of these minority groups deserving now of protected status. The Haters may say what they will-this is a great day for America where everyone, no matter what their background, has the god forsaken right to drink themselves silly and masterbate in cars in front of children.
People who refuse to sell any such person alcohol will be deemed a bigot and they shall be fined until they go bankrupt. Anyone attempting to disrespect car masterbaters will be shunned and shamed on social media and bullied ruthlessly but appropriately for not liking to watch. They were born that way.